A Question for the Birds

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There is a quiet desperation here on earth. You can barely hear it, but you can feel it in every fiber of your being. Tap Tap Tap.

 

Whitman asked, “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much?”

 

I wish we were tapping these shells with some hammers. Tap Tap Tap. But we are just tapping keys, faces illuminated, LED apparitions—we are ghostly in uncaring. I keep hearing my friends talk about needing to ground themselves in reality, in the mundane, to not float away in thought. It is much too late for me; I am for the birds.

 

Whitman asked, “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much?”

 

I think about Reno. I disremember that I lived there. I forget. Or try to. But sometimes my mind crosses those miles, across the Sierra Nevadas and down the dusty barren hills. Sage brush stabs my thoughts and I think of how mechanical I felt in that desert. “I am fine. I am okay.”—Never reaching out and always pushing away; a mechanical cactus. My god, it was lonely.

 

Whitman asked, “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much?”

 

I am relearning to be vulnerable. It is funny to relearn something you were born being, entirely and completely. Everything is thick with emotion. “I am fine” and “I am okay” have no place here; they are just things a mechanical cactus would say. I am terrified. I lay beside you and my thoughts and fears batter against me, warm and bloody. There is nothing robot here.

 

Whitman asked, “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much?”

 

I think about how we perpetuate cycles. I do not want to perpetuate my cycle. I refuse to. I will not be unhappy because my parents are. I will not hold the world at arm’s length. There are infinite depths to a person; I will not be grounded to the core of that. I want to float in it. FUCK! Fuck all these barriers. We were born distanced in these bodies; fluid creatures contained. I am taking a hammer to the shell.

 

Whitman asked, “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much?”

 

I think he was asking a question for the birds.

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2 comments

  1. Great concept for this piece, nice work!

    1. Thank you for reading, and the kind words.

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